July 3, 2013
Happy Fourth Birthday Eden!  Wow, you would be four-years-old today.  I can't believe it.  FOUR!  I wonder about how excited you would be to open presents and blow out candles on your birthday cake.  What would be your favourite colour?  What would be your favourite flavour? You are never far from my thoughts and I carry you in my heart always.  Happy Birthday my beloved daughter.  I love you SOOOOOO much.  I'm saving every single kiss and cuddle for you sweet girl.  Until then, I love you to Heaven and back.  



May 8, 2013

This was an open letter to a pastor.  I made a comment at the end. 

Dear Pastor,

A few years ago I sat across from a woman who told me she doesn’t go to church on Mother’s Day because it is too hurtful.  I’m not a mother, but I had never seen the day as hurtful. She had been married, had numerous miscarriages, divorced and was beyond child bearing years. It was like salt in mostly healed wounds to go to church on that day. This made me sad, but I understood.

Fast forward several years to Mother’s Day.  A pastor asked all mothers to stand. On my immediate right, my mother stood and on my immediate left, a dear friend stood. I, a woman in her late 30s, sat. I don’t know how others saw me, but I felt dehumanized, gutted as a woman. Real women stood, empty shells sat. I do not normally feel this way. I do not like feeling this way. I want no woman to ever feel this way in church again.

Last year a friend from the States happened to visit on Mother’s Day and again the pastor (a different one) asked all mothers to stand. As a mother, she stood and I whispered to her, “I can’t take it, I’m standing.” She knows I’m not a mother yet she understood my standing / lie.

Here’s the thing, I believe we can honor mothers without alienating others. I want women to feel welcome, appreciated, seen, and needed here in our little neck of the body of Christ.

1. Do away with the standing. You mean well, but it’s just awkward. Does the woman who had a miscarriage stand? Does the mom whose children ran away stand? Does the single woman who is pregnant stand? A.w.k.w.a.r.d.

2.  Acknowledge the wide continuum of mothering.

To those who gave birth this year to their first child - we celebrate you. 
To those who lost a child this year - we mourn with you.
To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains - we appreciate you.
To those who experienced loss this year through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away - we mourn with you.
To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment - we walk with you.  Forgive us when we say foolish things.  We don't mean to make this harder than it is. 
To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms - we need you.
To those who have warm and close relationships with your children - we celebrate with you.
To those who have disappointment, heartache, and distance with your children - we sit with you.
To those who lost their mothers this year - we grieve with you.
To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother - we acknowledge your experience.
To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood - we are better for having you in our midst.
To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year - we grieve and rejoice with you.
And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising - we anticipate with you. 

This Mother's Day, we walk with you.  Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst.  We remember you.

When I was pregnant with Eden, being fully aware that my daughter might die, a friend of mine said, "Just think, you get to celebrate your first Mother's Day next year."  I felt gutted.  I was carrying LIFE inside of me.  I had bonded with my daughter for months.  I ate for her, I exercised for her, I reduced my stress for her, I sang to her, I held her by placing my hands on my growing belly, I read to her, I prayed for her, and someone had the nerve to tell me that I was not a mother. 

The following Mother's Day (2010), I mourned the death of both of my daughters, Eden and Selah.  How can you tell me that I am not a mother when the depth of my grief went to the pit of my soul? 

Please, don't make the mistake of telling a pregnant woman that she is not a mother until her child is born.  Life begins at conception, and so does motherhood. 

May 3, 2013
"Mothers, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are, better than you are, and better than you have ever been... Know that in faith things will be made right in spite of you, or more correctly, because of you. We thank all of you, and tell you there is nothing more important in this world than participating so directly in the work and glory of God. "

-Jefferey R. Holland


April 9, 2013
Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.  C.S. Lewis


Thursday, December 20, 2012
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. 


Monday, December 17, 2012
From a headstone in Ireland:  Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.  



Sunday, December 16, 2012

Greg Laurie, Pastor of Harvest Ministries, wrote the following:

It’s Christmas time. Parents bundle up their children another day for school before Christmas vacation starts in the small town of Newtown, Connecticut. There’s shopping to do, errands to run before they pick them up.

Then the worst imaginable scenario takes place. A young man walks into a Sandy Hook elementary school and begins shooting.
When the horror finally stops 20 children and 5 adults have been shot and killed. This is just heartbreaking.

What can be said at a time like this?  The experts will opine on why this happened.  All I can say is this was pure evil.
The heartlessness and wickedness of this man that did the shooting is really unimaginable.

I know from personal experience that the pain of losing a child is a fate worse then death for a parent.  At times like this we must reflect on the essential message of Christmas which is Immanuel has come. Immanuel means God is with us.

I know God is there ready to bring His comfort to those grieving right now in Connecticut. I know He is here right now to bring comfort to all of us who are heartbroken to hear such news.

At times like this we need perspective.  An eternal perspective.  We need to remember this life on earth is not all there is.  There is an afterlife and there earthly wrongs are righted.  There is a final judgment for this man and others like him that commit these heinous crimes and they will have to face God.

There is also great safety for those beautiful children who I believe are all in Heaven right now resting in the arms of Jesus.  No harm will come to them again.  Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Mat 19:14 )

And there is comfort available to their parents who are in the deepest valley of pain and grief right now. Yes, even at a time like this there is hope.

The hope is this-If those parents will put their trust in Jesus Christ as savior and Lord they can have the assurance they will see their dear children again.  As King David said when his child died, ”I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me."(1 Sam.12:23)

In the business of this season I hope we all will take time to count our blessings. To let our children know that we love them and not take them for granted. And I hope that we will remember that Jesus is there, Immanuel.

He brings His comfort to us as we trust in Him.

Saturday, December 15, 2012
Dealing With Grief: Five Things NOT to Say and Five Things to Say In a Trauma Involving Children


We often have no idea what to say in the face of senseless loss. That is especially true when children are the victims of tragedy. Today's shooting in Connecticut is heartbreaking in so many ways, not the least of which is the staggering loss of children.

My first two years in ministry were spent as a chaplain assigned to the emergency department of a children's hospital with a level one trauma center. During that ministry I saw so many senseless tragedies. I also heard some of the worst theology of my life coming from people who thought they were bringing comfort to the parents. More often than not, they weren't. And often, they made the situation worse.

Here are five things NOT to say to grieving family and friends:

1. "God just needed another angel."

Portraying God as someone who arbitrarily kills kids to fill celestial openings is neither faithful to God, nor helpful to grieving parents.

2. "Thank goodness you have other children," or, "You're young. You can have more kids."

Children are not interchangeable or replaceable. The loss of a child will always be a loss, no matter how many other children a parent has or will have.

3. He/she was just on loan to you from God.

The message is that God is so capricious that God will break parents' hearts at will just because God can. It also communicates to parents and loved ones that they are not really entitled to their grief.

4. God doesn't give you more than you can handle.

Actually, some people do get a lot more than any one person should ever have to handle. And it doesn't come from God. Don't trivialize someone's grief with a "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" mentality.

5. We may not understand it, but this was God's will.

Unless you are God, don't use this line.

And here are five things TO say:

1. I don't believe God wanted this or willed it.

A grieving friend or family member is likely hearing that this is God's will from a number of other people. Affirm the idea that it may very well not be.

2. It's okay to be angry, and I'm a safe person for you express that anger to if you need it.

Anger is an essential part of the grieving process, but many don't know where to talk about it because they are often silenced by others when they express their feelings. (For instance, they may be told they have no right to be angry at God.) By saying you are a safe person to share all feelings, including anger, with, you help the grieving person know where they can turn.

3. It's not okay.

It seems so obvious, but sometimes this doesn't get said. Sometimes the pieces don't fit. Sometimes nothing works out right. And sometimes there is no way to fix it. Naming it can be helpful for some because it lets them know you won't sugarcoat their grief.

4. I don't know why this happened.

When trauma happens, the shock and emotion comes first. But not long after comes our human need to try to explain "why?" The reality is that often we cannot. The grieving person will likely have heard a lot of theories about why a trauma occurred. Sometimes it's best not to add to the chorus, but to just acknowledge what you do not know.

5. I can't imagine what you are going through, but I am here to support you in whatever way feels best.

Even if you have faced a similar loss, remember that each loss is different. Saying "I know how you're feeling" is often untrue. Instead, ask how the grieving person is feeling. And then ask what you can do to help. Then, do it and respect the boundaries around what they don't want help with at this point. You will be putting some control back into the hands of the grieving person, who often feels like they have lost so much of it.



August 23, 2012
I recently came across your blog through an Answers in Genesis blog post.  I have been touched by the life of Eden who was truly a beautiful little girl. 
I am writing because of the post in which John recants his conversation with God over Eden's pram.  This is such a beautiful analogy and really puts things into a perspective that humans can understand.  I feel many would be blessed by hearing this.  I don't know when or how I would share this story but I want to keep it for when the time is right.  I am a Christian Counselor and my sister is on the way to being a Chaplain. I think both of us at some point would find this a useful story to share with others.  However, I would not do so without your permission.  Would you be willing to let this and Eden's story be shared with others in the future?  I ask only because your blog may not be around in 5 years time or whenever we used it! 
Thank you so much for sharing the blessing of Eden with the world.



Wednesday, July 18, 2012
A message posted to Silas' blog from someone whom I've never met:

I just happened to stumble on your precious daughter Eden's story a few months back. I cried so hard watching it. I cried even harder when I read your information that y'all were pregnant and ready to deliver soon. God has blessed me with 5 children of my own and I cherish the days I have with them on this Earth. I admire you so much for your Faith in God and for sharing the plan of salvation with everyone who reads this. As C.T. Studd penned "This life will soon be past and only what is done for Christ will last". I have been keeping up with y'alls pictures and updates of Silas and I pray he will grow into a mighty man of God.


Monday, July 15, 2012
Pressie from Kelly Tonna

A bottle of "Eden" perfume and a set of "Eden" bamboo place mats.  Eden has no idea how much Kelly loves her.  I know Eden would have adored her too. 



Saturday, July 7, 2012
Gift from Joel and Carol Laroya

Last year they gave us a beige throw blanket called "Eden."  Jonathon and I huddle beneath it all winter long.  This year they blessed us with a second one in an off-white colour.  It's amazingly soft and warm.  What a thoughtful gift.

Web Log

This WeBLog (BLOG) documents our journey with baby Eden. The posts are in reverse order. If you have not read it before, you should start at the bottom and work your way to the top. You can go back as far as you want by clicking the 'Older Posts' link at the bottom of this page.

May Eden's story bless you.

Another year has gone by.  Our sweet Eden Lanay would be celebrating her third birthday today.  Jonathon and I were talking about her in bed this morning.  We are so sad because we don't get to have her with us and watch her grow up, but we are so happy that heaven is real and she is there.  We may not get to spend our years left on this earth with her, but eternity is a long, long time, and you can be sure that Eden will be smothered with all the kisses I never got to give her.  Happy Birthday baby girl.  We love you SOOOO very much.  I know you are healthy and happy in the arms of Jesus today.  That gives me reason to smile though my tears. 

Here are a few things that God used to help me heal this past year: 

Friday, April 13, 2012
A message from my sweet friend Pam.

Dear Baby Silas,
Welcome little man!  Grow strong in the Lord and in His awesome power.  Little miracle, we waited for you eagerly.  You are a blessing from God, the God who works to bring life from death, the God of resurrection.  Praise Him!


April 5, 2012
From a FB message from my friend Lucy. 

Eden's story opened my heart, I had no idea that babies were being aborted just because they were not perfect. Eden came with a mission from God to all who would listen or facing the choice of ending a pregnancy because somethings not completely right. We seem to always want our way and often miss God's greatest blessings. Proof of that statement is your little Eden. She has blessed many families since her birth and I'm sure many more in the future that may come across her wonderful story. It is a story of love and hope and blessings . I share it with a dear friend just days after Eden's birth. My friend Edwins has wanted for so very long to have a child and had just found out that she was expecting. She was also making plans to
go home to NZ to care for her dieing mother and to share the news that at long last a child was growing in her and she was just so exciteded to share the news with her mokm. She was about 12 or 14 weeks along when she lost her child. And she gained so much hope and strength from Eden story ... nothing really helped her or gave her comfort except the thought that her child was with your little Eden and with the Father that gives us life, hope comfort in lifes painful moments. How sweet to know that her child is waiting for her and that she shares a place in heaven with your darling Eden. Like you Edwina celebrates her childs heavenly birthdays. She has kept up with your story and knows of Silas. She is your age and is forever grateful that God saw fit to let her taste of motherhood and is trusting Him each day that His best for her is firmly being lived even if she never has the blessing of children in this life.
Thank so much for sharing Eden's story for it continues to bless and give hope.



April 3, 2012
G'day Sparks,

I was just smiling, thinking of you and how I've been blessed to have been able to witness your immense spiritual and personality growth over the past three years or so.

I was reflecting on how God has really brought out a truly beautiful woman of character to meet us thru everything that you and JR have been confronted with and have conquered graciously over these past several years.  Watching you go through your struggles with faithfulness and patience to accept Gods calling for you (and John) -  from uprooting from Colorado and all your friends and family there to face true opposition in a place you felt uncertain about in so many ways - to the ups and downs of being given three souls to cherish forever.  All the while, He's been shaping you into a more glorious human being and I just wanted you to know that it shows.

I like the NLT version of a golden oldie: Rom 5:1-5 to share with you:

Therefore, since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. 

Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory. 

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.

And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Dearest TIna - you are a Spirit-filled role model to so many (Sparks!) and your gift of friendship and joy is ever-present (though you are probably dog-tired lately)!  

You're more beautiful now than ever before and Jesus has put it on my heart to tell you these things now.

I love you and God TOTALLY loves you,

Normie xoxo

January 3, 2012

Our son Silas Jair was born today.  Just because we have another child in our arms doesn't mean we miss Eden any less.  It just means there are more of us to miss her.

Wednesday November 16, 2011
    This message was left anonymously by someone who read Eden's blog:  My cousin's daughter had Trisomy 18. Her name was Olivia. She died eleven minutes before she was born. My cousin had to choose between being induced or carrying her to term. She tried to carry her to term, but they told her that she and Olivia would most certainly die if she kept going and she had two sons (aged 9 and 1) at home so she had her a few weeks early.
I'm so glad that you got to spend seven days with your precious Eden. She was so adorable, and so beautiful.


Wednesday, August 24, 2011
    I received an envelope from Kelly in the mail today.  It is a pendant of Murano Glass on a leather thong.  On top of the card to which the necklace is attached, it says, EDEN PROJECT.  I texted my appreciation to Kelly right away and this was her reply:  A work friend went to Paris and she knows of Eden so bought it and I believe it belongs to her mummy.  So I can't take credit....Glad u love it. 



Tuesday, August 2, 2011
A few quotes from the book "Redeemed and Restored" which was written by 12 Wives of Calvary Chapel Pastors.  These quotes come from the chapter written by Gail Mays. 

  "When the nurse laid that baby girl in my arms, I was so blessed.  For me, it felt like the Lord was pouring out his goodness, mercy and faithfulness on me."  Pg 152

    "Mothers face many challenges with their children.  The greatest is probably completely and wholeheartedly entrusting their children to the Lord.  God created mothers to be nurturing.  He intended for them to be protective of their children.  However, He also requires that mothers ultimately surrender their children to His care."  Pg 153

    It was such a horrible feeling of emptiness.  All I could think was, "Nobody told me I would miss her like this."  Pg 154

    "Please Lord, what is going on?"  Then God spoke to my heart:  "I want my gift back."  I asked, "What gift?"  He answered me gently, "Children are a gift from the Lord and I want My gift back."  I said, "This isn't easy, Lord!"  He ministered to my heart that day and said, "Good and faithful servant, you have done what I asked; now you are going to have to trust Me with her.  Let her go."  I answered, With Your help, I'll let her go."  It was the hardest thing that God has ever asked me to do.  Pg 155



Thursday, July 7, 2011
An email from my sister Linda: 

I just read your recent posts on Eden's Blog. I have to be sure I have a Kleenex close by when I do that!!  I am overwhelmed at the amazing family of God and the outpouring of love that continues to flow to you and John.  Obviously you both mean so much to so many, and Eden's short life touched many lives.  I don't know how I can miss someone so much that I never met, but I really miss Eden. 

 

I can't even begin to describe to you the overwhelming emotion that I experienced when we were Skyping.  Eden was just so fresh in my mind after just reading her blog, and I had been praying for you both as her 2nd birthday was approaching.  I have prayed and prayed for God to comfort both of you and heal your broken hearts.  After hearing your WONDERFUL news, I just felt like in an instant God had answered all of my prayers.  I know you will always miss Eden and Selah and feel their loss in a profound way, but to think God has blessed you with another precious little one, I just stand amazed!  I was able to share with my Sunday School class your great news, and they all remember praying for you with Eden.  Our prayer leader led the most heartfelt prayer that God would protect this little one and hold him in His hands and use this baby to help heal your hearts.  Of course I was bawling all over again.

 

I am so thankful you took the time to share this with me through Skype.  It was so good to see you BOTH as you told me the good news.  I'm so happy and excited for you both and I'm praying for Silas daily!!  I hope you are feeling well Mum!!  :)

 

I love you both very, very much!

Wednesday November 16, 2011
    This message was left anonymously by someone who read Eden's blog:  My cousin's daughter had Trisomy 18. Her name was Olivia. She died eleven minutes before she was born. My cousin had to choose between being induced or carrying her to term. She tried to carry her to term, but they told her that she and Olivia would most certainly die if she kept going and she had two sons (aged 9 and 1) at home so she had her a few weeks early.
I'm so glad that you got to spend seven days with your precious Eden. She was so adorable, and so beautiful.


Wednesday, August 24, 2011
    I received an envelope from Kelly in the mail today.  It is a pendant of Murano Glass on a leather thong.  On top of the card to which the necklace is attached, it says, EDEN PROJECT.  I texted my appreciation to Kelly right away and this was her reply:  A work friend went to Paris and she knows of Eden so bought it and I believe it belongs to her mummy.  So I can't take credit....Glad u love it. 



Tuesday, August 2, 2011
A few quotes from the book "Redeemed and Restored" which was written by 12 Wives of Calvary Chapel Pastors.  These quotes come from the chapter written by Gail Mays. 

  "When the nurse laid that baby girl in my arms, I was so blessed.  For me, it felt like the Lord was pouring out his goodness, mercy and faithfulness on me."  Pg 152

    "Mothers face many challenges with their children.  The greatest is probably completely and wholeheartedly entrusting their children to the Lord.  God created mothers to be nurturing.  He intended for them to be protective of their children.  However, He also requires that mothers ultimately surrender their children to His care."  Pg 153

    It was such a horrible feeling of emptiness.  All I could think was, "Nobody told me I would miss her like this."  Pg 154

    "Please Lord, what is going on?"  Then God spoke to my heart:  "I want my gift back."  I asked, "What gift?"  He answered me gently, "Children are a gift from the Lord and I want My gift back."  I said, "This isn't easy, Lord!"  He ministered to my heart that day and said, "Good and faithful servant, you have done what I asked; now you are going to have to trust Me with her.  Let her go."  I answered, With Your help, I'll let her go."  It was the hardest thing that God has ever asked me to do.  Pg 155

Eden's 2nd Birthday

Here are a collection of notes, emails, verses or songs that God has used to heal my heart this past year. HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY EDEN LANAY!


Sunday, July 3, 2011 (Eden's 2nd Birthday)
I received this text message from Mitch: Hi. Just a quick message to let you and John know I'm thinking of you guys today. Love to both of you.



Sunday, July 3, 2011 (Eden's 2nd Birthday)
An Birthday Blessing E-card from Nora: If there are rabbits in Heaven, that's what I would picture Eden doing, and in a beautiful garden just like that, and I'm sure more beautiful than that. May the blessing of knowing who the Lord is and how Merciful and Loving He is bring comfort to you today in knowing that Eden's birthday celebration is causing a big uproar in Heaven and a huge party celebration with the Son shining bright in her heart, and her brother or sister standing right beside her, gobbling up all that "Heavenly buttercream cake" sitting on the lap of her daddy (Abba). To God be all the glory and praise for this great celebration. Happy and most Blessed Birthday, Eden!



Sunday, July 3, 2011 (Eden's 2nd Birthday)
I posted this on FaceBook: We miss you Eden Lanay! I wish we could celebrate your 2nd birthday together with you. Until we hold you in our arms again baby girl, mama and papa love you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

These were the comments from a few friends who read it:
Your strength is amazing, even with the Lord's help, I would never be half the woman you are.

Happy Birthday little Angel!!

So excited to see her little face in heaven! Praying for you guys, can't wait to see you again soon!

Happy birthday Eden. Love to you & John. Xx

Love you guys- Happy Birthday Eden. I debut my talk which includes some of your story in 2 weeks. I know it will touch many.



Saturday, June 11, 2011
An email from Kelly: anyways i am going to be looking after her daughter until she gets out of hospital.... when i held her when she was sobbing i just pictured being able to hold you through your tears, ohhh i miss Eden sooo MUCH i know i didn't get to know her the way you did but i LOVE her so much for everything she has done in you and in so many lives that she touches when i talk about her it's hard trying to talk about someone you love so much cause it makes it feel like she is right here and alive with us but then hurts so much more knowing we have to wait for the moment when we can hug her



Friday, May 13, 2011
A FB message from my brother-in-law Chris: Tina, I was thinking about you and John this morning and all that you have been through and the strong testimony you have shared. I decided I had not worn pink for way too long and today would be a good day to "wear and share." Have a great day!



Wednesday, May 11, 2011
A FB message from my friend Lisa Fitzwater: I have to tell you something Jordan said to me today. We were driving home from the farm where we get raw milk and out of the blue, she says "I can't wait to get to heaven and hold baby Eden. She's just sooo cute!" I said "well, you'll probably have to fight her mommy to hold her - she's probably going to be holding her all the time, but she might share and let you hold her."



Monday, May 9, 2011
A text from Pam de Pomeroy: To a very special mommy who has loved 2 daughters without seeing them in full, and by faith receives the things promised, Happy Mother's Day. Ur heart inspires me 2 walk by what is Unseen. Thanks my friend.



Sunday, May 8, 2011 - Mother's Day
My sister Linda sent me a FB message: Tina, I just wanted to let you know I would be thinking of you on Mother's Day. I can't imagine your pain, but I just wanted you to know that I love you and I will be praying for you my sweet sister. Hugs! Linda



Sunday, May 8, 2011 - Mother's Day
Rachelle Starr sent me flowers and wrote this on the card: Saw this arrangement, it's called "Eden," had to get it for you. Love you Tina and John. Love from Rachelle. xoxo



Sunday, May 8, 2011 - Mother's Day
Written on a card from Jonathon: Mutti, I love to have Mother's Day to remember how much more I fell in love with you during your pregnancy with Eden and Selah. Your giving heart and love abounded even more than I thought possible. I pray God gives me another chance to witness this, but either way, I want you to know, you were and are a special mother, my beautiful Mutti!



Tuesday, February 14, 2011
From a Daily Spiritual Vitamin email: I seriously doubt if we will ever understand our trials and adversities until we are safely in heaven. Then when we look back, we are going to be absolutely amazed at how God took care of us and blessed us even in the storms of life. But God is with us in the good times also, and we should thank Him for them and commit them to Him just as surely as we do the hard times.



Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Romans 8:38-39 which we studied at Bible study tonight: For I am persuaded that NEITHER DEATH NOR LIFE, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other crated thing, SHALL BE ABLE TO SEPARATE US FROM THE LOVE OF GOD which is in Christ Jesus.



Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Excerpt from an email written by a very dear friend:
I see you as so incredibly strong to have taken the stand you did on Eden's life. I'm so proud to be able to say I know you, even if it is entirely online. I'm pretty sure I was in class with your husband when you found out Eden wouldn't make it. That was right around the time I miscarried. I prayed so hard for you family and was so proud of the decision you made. Your decision made my baby a real, living child. I hope that makes sense. You chose life because your baby was alive. That meant mine was, too. That meant it was okay to mourn, that the doctors and so many others were wrong. I wish I could give you something more uplifting and encouraging for what you went through with Eden but I can really only understand your loss of Selah. I will continue to pray for your family. You've already been such a blessing in my life.



Saturday, September 25, 2010
We were studying 2 Kings chapter 4 tonight. The young son of the woman from Shunem dies. She does not tell anyone what happened but immediately flees to see Elisha, the Man of God, for a miracle for her son. God does not reveal to Elisha why she is coming, but he does see this: Now when she came to the man of God at the hill, she caught him by the feet, but Gehazi came near to push her away. But the man of God said, "Let her alone; for her soul is in deep distress, and the LORD has hidden it from me, and has not told me." If you have never lost a child, you can't possibly imagine the depth of the soul's distress.



Saturday, August 14, 2010
I was attending the Ladies Retreat entitled "Moments with the Master" in Narrabeen today. An elderly woman by the name of Marilyn who attends Calvary Chapel Sydney came up to me. She said she had wanted to tell me something for a long time but wasn't sure how I would take it. She said, "The only time I have ever felt the presence of Jesus is when I was looking at a photo of Eden. I felt the peace of God." I was stunned and with watering eyes, thanked her for telling me. That brought me so much comfort.



Sunday, August 8, 2010
Jonathon and I were at Spotlight today. I told the cashier that her perfume smelled beautifully. She said, "It's called Eden by Cacharel." I had purchased this perfume after spotting it on a counter at the airport in Istanbul, Turkey. My throat constricted and and tears welled up in my eyes, but I am so thankful that God reminded me again that He's watching over my baby girl.



August 5, 2010
>From the book "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore

Prayer matters. The Spirit of God released through our prayers and the prayers of others turns cowards into conquerors, chaos into calm, cries into comfort. - pg 73



In heaven there will be a wonderful reunion. You will see your family and friends, all of those who have gone on to be with Jesus when they died. The Bible tells about a future time when believers in Christ (those in heaven and those still on earth) will all join together in the presence of the Lord. "For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words" (1 Thessalonians 4:16-18). Lord, I am thrilled to know that good-byes on earth will soon be hellos again.



Could it be that my purpose for now is to grieve? Grieving isn't easy and even though it's a natural part of life, it doesn't feel natural. It has required stillness and quiet, which is not simple to come by in my world. It's also required an understanding that my feelings are acceptable and it is okay to not have a clearly defined, tangible purpose for this season – other than grieving. I had to give myself permission to grieve and trust that through this God's will for me will prevail.... So for now, I grieve. The way I grieve may change daily, but one thing will not change: I am blessed,



July 22, 2010
An email from Kelly

She has taught me to trust God in all circumstances and to know i can never understand cause i am not in control He is, she has taught me to search for God harder and to pray to lengths i didn't know i could, so many times i have questioned WHY but we just have to say LOOK at all the blessing that has come out of Eden how many more will be lead to god through watching your family how MUCH she has changed you and Johnathan Tina i could never explain the difference in you, .... i can't wait until we go to heaven and meet your precious ones and God can explain to you how much your family has and continues to move me.

How God Helped Me Heal

I have been adding to this draft in my email for the past year. There are Bible verses, song lyrics and snippets from cards, emails, or books that I have read. I know a few entries are duplicated, but that is because God used the same comments on different days to help mend my broken heart. I hope you will be blessed and encouraged by reading it. xoxo


From a poem in a heart-shaped Christmas ornament box from Tanja: No gallery holds a piece of artwork to equal the masterpiece of one sweet, baby girl. The gardens of the world have never produced a blossom as delicate as this precious rosebud wrapped up in pink. The most accomplished composers have never written music like the symphony within my heart...how blessed I am to be entrusted with the gift of her life...You've colored my world sweet baby, so pretty in pink!



E-Card from Fritz & Nora, July 3, 2010: Happy Heavenly Birthday, Eden Lanay! This card is in celebration of the 3rd of July, 2009, when God showed us His Love through His wonderful Creation of YOU, and for the 10th of July, when God just couldn't wait to take you Home!
Tina and John, we can't imagine the sadness you must be experiencing during this time, but I am sure there must be, as well, a remembrance of the joy you experienced when you held your beautiful little girl. The rain in this card reminds me of your tears and God's tears for your suffering; the umbrella symbolizes God's protection over your little one; the sunshine and the bright green grass reminds me that God's Mercy is new every morning and there will be healing and newness once again, for great is His Faithfulness; the birds, to me, symbolize the saints rejoicing in Heaven when Eden was born; the butterflies are symbolic of God's Angels taking her back HOME, and the sprinkles of blessings (little flowers) are symbolic of Eden basking in God's Glory, and that God's blessings will overflow and pour out in your lives once again for there is always hope in CHRIST. I declare this in Jesus' Name...Happy Birthday, Eden Lanay! We know where you're at there is no more need to pray for you. You are complete and restored,rejoicing forevermore!



From the Calvary Chapel Sydney Prayer & Praise Report: This week (3rd July) We celebrate with John and Tina the first birthday of their little daughter Eden Lanay who is now joyful in the everlasting arms of her Heavenly Father. http://edenlanay.blogspot.com/ Please pray for the Lord's loving hand to rest upon her Mum and Dad and an assurance of His ongoing faithfulness.



"When you listen to somebody and he or she shares what's really happening, the pat answers don't work, and you don't know what to say," says Dr. Larry Crabb. "But it's at that point when you don't know what to say that if you back away, you lose the opportunity to touch. In your inadequacy can you stay involved?" Don't back away because you are afraid of getting involved in another person's sorrows and problems. No one is wholly adequate, but everyone has a choice: (1) stay involved and truly show love and help or (2) back away, afraid of making things worse. Take the risk, and God will provide the strength.



The song, "Better Than a Hallelujah" by Amy Grant.

God loves a lullaby
In a mother's tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
God loves the drunkards cry,
The soldiers plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah.

The woman holding on for life,
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes
The tears of shame for what's been done,
The silence when the words won't come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

Better than a church bell ringing,
Better than a choir singing out, singing out.



Helping other people eases your pain and gives you the chance to turn your grief into something good. "I was asked to come in and counsel this mother and daughter. The daughter was dying of a tumor, just as my daughter had died," says Dora. "At first, they were hesitant to approach me. They weren't sure if I could handle facing the pain and the grief again. "When I was asked, I jumped at the opportunity because I thought, This is a good chance for me to turn my daughter's death into something really good and something that I could help other people with. That proved to be very, very helpful for me in my recovery process." "Each helps the other and says to his brother, 'Be strong!'" (Isaiah 41:6).



An excerpt from Nora's letter: All I can say is that I am so blessed to have seen in the flesh one of the citizens of Heaven that was soon to be met and welcomed by Jesus--what a privilege. I'm sure she knows my kids, too, and they play together, along with your other little one. I still pray for a miracle regarding you and JR.



Holy Spirit, I do not know the words to pray. Intercede on my behalf because You know exactly what I need.



Yes, God promises to care for us. At the same time, He never promised we wouldn't face adversity. Christ warned, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" (John 16:33, NIV). You and I experience Christ's peace when we realize that peace isn't the absence of pressure. It's the presence of God in the midst of our chaos.




Tim Hansel is a popular speaker and author. In 1974 Tim fell, upside down, into a six-stories-deep crevasse while mountain climbing in the Sierras. Miraculously, he was not killed. But the damage to his back and neck left him in debilitating pain and he is now permanently disabled. He is the founder of Ignite, Inc., a program designed to encourage and empower people who have lived with emotional and physical pain to, in turn, minister to others who also live with chronic pain, disabilities, and emotional devastation. In his book Keep on Dancin' Tim writes: "On a day when my pain level was almost intolerable, I visited with Joni Eareckson Tada, the gifted author/artist/singer who has been a quadriplegic since a diving accident at age seventeen. When I got home I collapsed at the kitchen table and indulged in a bout of self-pity. "Suddenly my younger son, Joshua, came running into the room and jumped into my arms. As I hugged him, I had an embarrassed realization: Joni, who had been so buoyant and cheerful all day, would never be able to experience giving such a hug. Perhaps for the first time in my life, I realized that being able to give my son a hug was a gift and not a right, and even the simplest acts and events are meant to be treasured."




Healing is a mending together for the purpose of making something whole again. Your heart, mind, and body can become whole and in excellent working condition again through Jesus. But healing does not mean there will be no scars. It means that you were once broken, but through time and effort you are being made whole again. "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3).



Planning Funerals that Won't Happen Today
20 May 2010
Lysa TerKeurst

"And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:27 (NIV)

Why do we moms do that? Most of us live with this gnawing, aching, terrifying fear that something will happen to one of our children. We carry the pressure that ultimately everything rises and falls on whether or not we can control things. And mentally, too often we plan funerals that won't happen today. We do it because we know the realities of living in a broken world where car accidents do happen. Tragedy strikes old and young alike. We have no guarantees for tomorrow. And that's really hard on a mama's heart.

The truth is: God has assigned each of my kids a certain number of days. My choices can add to the quality of their life, but not the quantity. They could be at home tucked underneath my wings and if it's their day to go be with Jesus, they will go.

"When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." (Psalm 139:15-16)

Jesus conquered death so we don't have to be afraid of it any longer. Death is only a temporary separation. We will be reunited again.

In 2 Samuel 12, when David's infant child died, he confidently said, "I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me" (v. 23). David knew he would see his child again--not just a faceless soul without an identity, but this child for whom he was longing. He would know him.



"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3).



You haven't really begun to live until you've learned to tap into God's wisdom. When you do you'll be amazed how clearly things come into focus. With God's wisdom comes a remarkable absence of fear. We're no longer intimidated by circumstances or the opinions of those around us. We can lose a job or get promoted, and neither will derail us. We can get into an unexpected valley or soar to the pinnacle of success, and cope equally well with both. That's because the wisdom of God gives us balance, insight and stability. None of these is a natural trait; each is a by-product of the wisdom that comes from God. We don't get them simply because we're Christians. No, we get them because we ask for them. God's wisdom provides us with the sixth sense needed in confusing situations, and the strength to press on confidently in spite of unanswered questions.



"One thing about being in grief is that your sorrow is certain, and your loss is so real you literally taste it to the depth of your being," says Dr. Joseph Stowell. "You have to have a certainty that is bigger than the certainty of your sorrow. "That is why you must train yourself in biblical hope where you are absolutely convinced that God is and that He has a world to come for you and that on the other side everything will be okay. That certainty has to be bigger than the certainty of your sorrows."



"When you are down in the valley, that is where you are going to grow because that is where the fertilizer is," says Barbara Johnson. "He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit" (Jeremiah 17:8).



For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18 nlt)



Many people become wiser, more humane, more compassionate, more fully human after experiencing grief. In this way, grief sets you apart. People who have gone through it are different. "It will change you," says Sylvia, whose parents died. "You will do a 180-degree turn. When you go to a funeral home, from then on you will know what those people are going through; you'll know what you can do to help them. "Before that, I would go shake hands, go to the line and say, 'I'm sorry.' And I didn't understand. But after you've lost a loved one, you have a totally different concept of what they're going through. I think you can be a better minister, and I think God gives you some of these things to use in your own personal ministry. So it will change you."



From my sister Frannie, April 29, 2010

Children Are with the Lord

Christians believe the only way to enter heaven is through God's Son, Jesus. But… what about infants and small children who never reach the age to make a decision to receive Jesus?

Dr. Luis Palau says, "I am convinced that little children who die in innocence, who don't know right from wrong, are covered by the blood of Jesus Christ, and they are in the presence of the living God. The Bible clearly teaches that a brief life is not an incomplete life. We have our ideas of how long we should live, but the Bible says that every one of our days was written in God's book before they even happened.

"All is well with your little child because she's [he's] in the presence of God the Father in absolute perfection. And you can rest on that because that's what the Word of God teaches."

Little ones are not only in heaven, but are also safe in a joyous, precious place close to the heavenly Father. On earth, children are sometimes looked down upon, but in heaven they hold a special place of honor.

The value of children was emphasized by Jesus who said in Matthew 18:10 that children have angels assigned to each of them in heaven. These angels are in intimate contact with the Father, whose nature is revealed throughout the Bible. Being true to His nature, the Father's concern could not stop at the death of a child.

"See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you, that their angels in heaven continually behold the face of My Father who is in heaven" (Matthew 18:10 nasb).

Holy Father, as I close my eyes right now, please give me an assurance of the peace and joy that my child is experiencing in heaven right now. Amen.



April 26, 2010 - Jonathon was talking to Matt Patterson from our church in Colorado on yesterday. He shared with Matt that we had ordered several copies of The Answers 3 book seven weeks ago and still had not received them from Answers in Genesis. Matt found the book in the Calvary Chapel bookstore and sent us the chapter on Eugenics and Planned Parenthood which ends with Eden's story. We choked up as we read but glorified and praised God that our baby girl continues to be a testimony to our Saviour. I told Dr. Morris that I was going to send him a copy. I hope that he will read all of it and give his life to the King of Kings.



April 25, 2010 - I went to hear Lindy Chamberlain speak at a church in Sydney today. I was blown away. She spoke of many things, including bitterness. She said if someone has wronged you and you harbor ill will toward them, it is like you are giving them a room in your head. They don't know they are there, only you know. You need to show kindness and forgiveness. It meant so much more coming from someone whose daughter was viciously killed by a dingo, who was accused of her daughter's murder, who was forcibly separated from two of her children when she was sent to prison for many years, and who endured a divorce. She has every reason to be bitter and yet, she reflects the love of Jesus, compassion, forgiveness and peace.

I asked how she dealt with the anniversary of her daughter Azaria's birth and death every year. She grabbed my hand and shared with me from her heart. She said They are ALWAYS difficult and emotional. She never celebrates her daughter's death and chooses instead to celebrate Azaria's life. Since she knows the heartache she will endure during these times each year, she never accepts speaking engagements around them. She said, "Hold your friend's babies. It is hard, but you recognize just how precious life is. She also said, "Your baby is in heaven. You just be sure you get to heaven too." Lindy was about ready to sign her book that I had just purchased, when she asked me if the book was for me. I acknowledged that it was. She pulled another book off of her lap and said, "I knew this was meant for you." She had already written in it, and just left a space for my name.

When I stood to walk away, she called me back to her. She grabbed my hand and said, "I like to compare it to a hurricane. Right now it is chaos and destruction, but it will rain, things will grow and life will be beautiful again."

Thank You LORD for speaking to me through Lindy today.

On our way to lunch afterward, we were headed with Paul & Christina to Nandos. Christina had accidentally left her purse at the church where we heard Lindy speak, so both of our hubbies returned to fetch it. As we headed toward Nandos, I noticed the restaurant's name next door: EDEN CAFE. God, You never cease to amaze me. Thank You for reminding me that my girls are never far from Your heart or mine.



2 Samuel 22:7 In my distress I called upon the LORD, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry entered His ears.

2 Samuel 22:31 As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the LORD is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.



23 April, 2010 - I went to see my obstetrician today. It was a follow up appointment after my miscarriage with Selah. I talked with him for almost 30 minutes. He said that after Eden died, the staff had a big meeting at the hospital. My doctor (who is also an instructor) told everyone what had transpired. They discuss these cases to teach the residents, and also to determine what they could have done differently and what they would or wouldn't do if the situation presented itself again. Someone asked Dr. Morris why he did a caesar (caesarean section). He said, "I wanted them to deliver a live baby and not continue with the pregnancy and deliver a stillborn." He said, "You got to see her, hold her, breastfeed her and cherish her for seven days."

I told him that although I had been unaware of his intentions, Jonathon knew this all along. I expressed to him how grateful we were to have Eden for as long as we did, and that if I knew how her life was going to turn out the day I found out I was pregnant, I wouldn't have changed a thing. He ended our conversation with this: "I want you to know, I counsel people differently since Eden."

You have NO IDEA how that thrilled my soul. We were pressured so many times to abort our precious gift from God. We were never swayed to kill our child, yet someone who has no confidence that this is God's plan for their life, might have taken the advice of their physician, a medical professional, and thought abortion must be the best option for me.



Lord, I confess I've seen my own injuries as reasons to blame you and keep You far from my heart. I'm sorry. Help me instead to see my weaknesses as a place where You can demonstrate Your strength. I welcome You into the painful places. Do something new and miraculous. I don't want to be embittered. I want to be free. And I want to give You all the glory. In Jesus' Name, Amen.



Stop fighting the suffering, and submit to God's will for it. God has a purpose for you right now, based on all that you have experienced up to this moment. Wait patiently on God, and continually seek His will for you. 7"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us" (Romans 8:18 nasb).



"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" (Hebrews 12:1). Righteous God, I will run this race with Your help. Amen.



Father, with You I am never alone, but I need the companionship of friends who will carry a portion of my grief as they listen to, laugh with, and cry with me. Amen.



"But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth" (Exodus 9:16).



"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall" (Psalm 55:22).



"This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you" (2 Kings 20:5).



For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." (Psalm 139:13-16)



Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.



I heard this song on my way to the hospital when I miscarried Selah.

Hold Me In The Rain
by: Brad Ewing

Lord, can I be honest with You today?
I Look around this world and see there's so much pain
And at times of faith is shaken, but I know it's true
But Lord in all this rain I need to trust in You

But I don't know why You allow the storms to come
and I grieve at all the doubts I have in Your perfect love
And at times I question and wonder if You really care
when Lord it's deep inside I know You're always here

I believe that

Chorus:
You, You cry in the rain
That You, despise all the pain
And I know one day You'll make it right
But Lord my heart is hurt tonight
So hold me in the rain
Hold me in the rain

And I know the view is different from where You are
And Lord I see so close to home, and You see so far
So help me trust You know what's best for me
When the storms come in my life, Lord give me faith to see

Help me believe

That You, You cry in the rain
That You, despise all the pain
That You, You cry in the rain
That You, despise all the pain

And I know one day You'll make it right
But Lord my heart is hurt tonight
So hold me in the rain
Hold me in the rain
Hold me in the rain

And I know one day You'll make it right
But Lord my heart is hurt tonight
So hold me in the rain
Hold me in the rain
Hold me in the rain
Lord, hold me in the rain
Lord, hold me



Quotes from Amy Grant's book "Mosaic" which I read in the hospital waiting for my doctor to remove my cherished Selah from my womb.

Pg xvi-xvii - "Amy, do you know what the most important color is in an artist's palette?" My mind began scrolling through the Crayola sixty-four-color pack, thinking of all the possibilities for an answer. Finally, she said, "Child, it's black. Black is the most important color for an artist. You see, without black there is no depth. Without black everything appears flat. But mix black with any color and you can paint an object so real you want to reach out and touch it." In our lives the darkest times, the days that are bleak and black, add depth to every other experience. Like the dark bits of color in a mosaic, they add the contrast and shadows that give beauty to the whole, but they are just a small part of the big picture.

Pg 22 - You cannot rush grief...We prod and push the bereaved to move on, to go through the motions of living. Grief has its own timetable. What a concept. The time it takes to heal is the time it takes.

Pg 153 - This Too Shall Pass: These familiar words are a good reminder that nothing stays the same, even if you want it to. And, thankfully, especially when you don't.

Pg 154 - Grief and pain enlarge our capacity for compassion and perseverance.

Pg 173 - "We mourn, but not as those without hope." God's view of life, of us, is eternal. Loss is temporary.



Isaiah 61:10 - I will greatly rejoice in the Lord
My soul shall be joyful in my God
For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation
He has covered me with the robe of righteousness ...



As difficult as it is, your life must go on. No, you'll never feel the same again, and that hurt place in your heart will never be fully healed on this side of heaven. But the others—your family—they need you to be involved in their everyday lives. They need your help as they journey through grief.



You do not need to be constantly burdened by sorrowful thoughts. "Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me. My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught" (Psalm 55:1-2). Author, speaker, and humorist Barbara Johnson lost two of her sons. She shares how God gave her a special memory of one of her sons to replace the bad thoughts that were overwhelming her. She says: "The memory is so special that when I talk about my son and I think about it, God windshield-wipes the pain, and I can enjoy the other memories and think on things that are good and happy and fun and pure. And God, in time, does erase the painful memories. It's so important to think of the fun times." Ask God for a special memory of your child to replace the negative pictures in your mind. Focus your thoughts on that special memory. Share it with others, and treasure it.



"Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" (Psalm 139:16).



David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realized the child was dead. "Is the child dead?"' he asked. "Yes," they replied, "he is dead." Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate. His servants asked him, "Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!" He answered, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, 'Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.' But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me." (2 Samuel 12:19-23) David said with assurance, "I will go to him." David's young child was gone, but he knew with certainty that he would see that child again. He made the important decision to go on living in the meantime. David knew that his son was already in the presence of the living God. If David, who lived in Old Testament times, had this certainty, how much more certain can we be about our own children now that Jesus Christ has come and given us a greater hope?



Christians believe the only way to enter heaven is through God's Son, Jesus. But what about infants and small children who never reach the age to make a decision to receive Jesus? Dr. Luis Palau says, "I am convinced that little children who die in innocence, who don't know right from wrong, are covered by the blood of Jesus Christ, and they are in the presence of the living God. The Bible clearly teaches that a brief life is not an incomplete life. We have our ideas of how long we should live, but the Bible says that every one of our days was written in God's book before they even happened. "All is well with your little child because she's [he's] in the presence of God the Father in absolute perfection. And you can rest on that because that's what the Word of God teaches." Little ones are not only in heaven, but are also safe in a joyous, precious place close to the heavenly Father. On earth, children are sometimes looked down upon, but in heaven they hold a special place of honor. The value of children was emphasized by Jesus who said in Matthew 18:10 that children have angels assigned to each of them in heaven. These angels are in intimate contact with the Father, whose nature is revealed throughout the Bible. Being true to His nature, the Father's concern could not stop at the death of a child. "See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you, that their angels in heaven continually behold the face of My Father who is in heaven" (Matthew 18:10 nasb).



To lose a child of any age—from an infant to an adult child—is one of the greatest shocks a parent can experience. The death of a child is tragic and feels entirely wrong. "It's so out of sequence and just so unnatural when your child, whom you protected all your life, dies. Is there something you could have done to have spared this?" says Pastor Buck Buchanan. This grief can be very deep. As Matthew 2:18 says, "A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more." God knows your sorrow, and no matter how dark or painful your situation, Jesus can bring you hope. Sometimes, though, you feel like rejecting that hope and embracing your despair, as if hopefulness is somehow a betrayal to your child. Do not let Satan manipulate your thoughts in that way. Seek God and allow Him to light your path. Lord and Savior, You are the only one who knows my sorrow. My body is enveloped in pain and wracked by grief, but I know there is hope because of You. Help me to live out that hope. Amen.

Father's Love Letter

The words you are about to experience are true
They will change your life if you let them
For they come from the very heart of God
He loves you, and He is the Father you have been looking for all your life .

This is His love letter to you.

My Child ~

You may not know me, but I know everything about you ~ Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up ~ Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways ~ Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered ~ Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image ~ Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being ~ Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring ~ Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived ~ Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation ~ Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book ~ Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live ~ Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made ~ Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb ~ Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born ~ Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me ~ John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love ~ 1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you ~ 1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your father ~ 1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could ~ Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father ~ Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand ~ James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs ~ Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope ~ Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love ~ Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore ~ Psalm 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing ~ Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you ~ Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession ~ Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul ~ Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things ~ Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me ~ Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart ~ Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires ~ Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine ~ Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager ~ 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you ~ Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart ~ Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes ~ Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth ~ Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus ~ John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed ~ John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being ~ Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you ~ Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you ~ 1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love ~ Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me ~ 1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again ~ Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen ~ Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father ~ Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is ~ Will you be my child? ~ John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you ~ Luke 15:11-32



Not only are your emotions unpredictable, but they may also seem uncontrollable. This changing nature combined with the intensity of the emotions can cause you to feel disoriented, forgetful, and overpowered. Your response to these uncontrollable emotions can be confusing to you as well as to others; for instance, sometimes you may want people with you, and sometimes you do not. You may also act in ways you later regret. Job expressed this sentiment: "Oh, that my grief were fully weighted, And my calamity laid with it on the scales! For then it would be heavier than the sand of the sea--Therefore my words have been rash." Job 6:2-3



THE REUNION HEART POEM
Since Heaven has become your home
I sometimes feel I'm so alone;
and though we now are far apart
you hold a big piece of my heart.

I never knew how much I'd grieve
when it was time for you to leave,
or just how much my heart would ache
from that one fragment you would take.

God lets this tender hole remain
reminding me we'll meet again,
and one day all the pain will cease
when He restores this missing piece.

He'll turn to joy my every tear,
and when I wear this necklace near
it will become my simple way
to treasure our Reunion Day.



"Sometimes the best remedy for grief is finding some way to touch somebody else's life," says Dr. Larry Crabb.



It may seem easier and more desirable to keep your words, thoughts, and emotions inside and to busy yourself with work and activities to help you forget. But that forgetfulness is short-lived and ultimately ineffective. True healing will only occur when you slow down and let grief run its course.



"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need" (Hebrews 4:16).

Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct your paths."

Isaiah 55:8-11

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,

Nor are your ways My ways,"

says the LORD

"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

So are My ways higher than your ways,

And My thoughts than your thoughts.

For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven,

And do not return there,

But water the earth,

And make it bring forth and bud,

That it may give seed to the sower

And bread to the eater,

So shall My word be that goes forth from my mouth;

It shall not return to Me void,

But it shall accomplish what I please,

And it shall prosper

in the thing for which I sent it."

Grief is a natural, inevitable reaction to loss. You are not given a choice about having grief, but you can choose how you grieve.



Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls—
Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The LORD God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer’s feet,
And He will make me walk on my high hills.
~ Habakkuk 3:17-19

What is the core of worship? Habakkuk expresses what worship is all about. He is experiencing no blossoms, no fruit, no food, and no flocks, yet he chooses to take joy in the God of His salvation. Our salvation is enough to keep us worshiping for all of eternity. The fact that our sins are forgiven, that we are the children of God, and that we are headed to a place that God is preparing for us gives ample cause for rejoicing. The world can never strip from us the core of our worship, which is the God of our salvation.

This was a devotional from RMC. It spoke to me today because Kelly Tonna brought a picture frame into the hospital the day I delivered Eden. She printed two photos of Jonathon and I and this partial verse from Hab 3:19: The LORD God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's feet, And He will make me walk on my high hills.



Special days—anniversaries, holidays, birthdays—can act as emotional land mines. The emotions you feel on those days can be as intense or even more intense than the emotions you felt at first. Dr. Tim Clinton observes, "Too many people are unaware or underaware of the normal grieving process. For example . . . anniversary dates, birthdays, holidays and things like that can evoke a lot of anger. When this happens, people feel like there's something wrong with them or they're not very strong." These feelings are normal. Knowing this, prepare yourself ahead of time for those special days.



"Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning" (Psalm 30:5).



No matter how long it has been, you still carry a portion of your grief with you. Emotions you already dealt with come flooding back at the most unexpected times.



"I am the LORD, who heals you" (Exodus 15:26). Jehovah Rapha, healing God.

"My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death . . ."

Mark 14:34

Ever hear the words: "You shouldn't feel that way. If you trusted God more you wouldn't be emotionally down and feel like quitting. A good dose of faith and prayer is what you need!" When the bottom falls out of your world, well-meaning friends think such words ought to pick you up instantly. But they don't; they can actually make you feel worse. Remember Job's friends?

So, what should we do when we experience these troubling, anxious, discouraging feelings?

(1) Understand that feelings are neither right nor wrong. Having them doesn't make you unspiritual and not having them doesn't make you Spiritual. They're just human emotions we all have. No one experienced greater emotional pain than Jesus: "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death." He felt like He was going to die on the spot. Such deep feelings threatened His very life! Yet He didn't hide or deny His feelings, or condemn Himself for having them. Denial only amplifies emotion. Jesus openly acknowledged His feelings, processing them in a healthy way. In the throes of anguish, He prayed twice, "Father ... Please take this ... suffering away from Me ..." (Mark 14:36 NLT). The Father didn't scold or rebuke His plea to avoid His circumstances or His feelings, and He won't scold or rebuke you either.

(2) Understand that your feelings don't dictate your options or invalidate your choices. You can have bad feelings and still make good choices! Crushed with grief, Jesus said, "Yet not what I will, but what You will" (Mark 14:36).

Choose God's will regardless of your feelings and He'll strengthen you to handle the tough times.



"Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you, I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you" (Isaiah 46:4).



Your journey through grief cannot be compared to another person's journey. You will grieve in your way and in your time. Grief does not have a set time limit. The only certainty is that it will take longer than you want it to.



Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.



I have been to the Page's Cafe in the Christian bookstore a million times, but today I noticed that the holder, which offers customers a free beverage if they stamp their card, is etched with: Jer. 29:11 How did I miss it all this time? Thank you God for letting me see it today.



Walking in obedience does not automatically give us immunity from heartache. We are not always privy to the details of God’s long-term plan for our lives and ministries. Our responsibility is to look to God to minister to us in our hurt, and move on with His plan. We must continue to execute the Lord’s marching orders, remaining faithful to the One who knows the end from the beginning (Isaiah 46:9-10).



The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you.



"Knowing the Lord and His comfort does not take away the ache; instead, it supports you in the middle of the ache. Until I get home to heaven, there's going to be an ache that won't quit. The grieving process for me is not so much a matter of getting rid of the pain, but not being controlled by the pain."



In Matthew 5:4 Jesus promises comfort and a blessing for those who go through the process of grief and mourning: "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."



The biblical account of Naomi in the book of Ruth teaches us how to look through life's tragedies and see the lavish blessings God has for us. Shattered dreams have the power to change our lives for good.



David said in the Psalms, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?" (22:1). Job had similar feelings: "Remember, O God, that my life is but a breath; my eyes will never see happiness again" (7:7). Job thought he would "never see happiness again," but when we read the end of the book of Job, we find that God had something very good in store for him.



Ang and Mom Celenze sent me a care package today. You know, it meant more to me than anything. One of the items inside was a metal bookmark that quotes Jeremiah 29:11. It took my breath away when I saw it. There was also a beautiful hand sewn and embroidered ladies hankie, a pink bracelet/watch, a pink leather bracelet closed with a silver heart, a silver heart locket with a silver heart inside of it, another metal bookmark with a scripture on it, a pair of moose earrings, three cards which I will cherish for the rest of my days, and the best gift was a four page letter from Mom Celenze. Oh my stars....it is SO beautiful. It spoke straight to my heart.



John 16:20-24 ²⁰ Most assuredly, I say to you that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; and you will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will be turned into joy. ²¹ A woman, when she is in labor, has sorrow because her hour has come; but as soon as she has given birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. ²² Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you. ²³ “And in that day you will ask Me nothing. Most assuredly, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you. ²⁴ Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.



Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~ Romans 15:13



This verse challenges us to ponder four questions:
(1) What is our view of God? God is a God of hope. Hope is the confident expectation of coming good. In hope, we have the assurance that God is working whether we see it or not. God promises to us a future and a hope.
(2) What are we filled with? God desires to fill us with joy and peace. Joy is based on who God is and the promises that He gives to us. Joy is ours today, no matter what our circumstances are. Peace is a place of rest. We can rest in Christ while enduring a tremendous storm.
(3) What are we relying on? The text declares that joy and peace comes in believing, in total trust and reliance upon God. When my faith is faltering, I look to the cross. I know that God loves me because He gave Himself for me.
(4) By what power will these changes occur? We can’t muster up joy, peace, and hope. These things are a result of the Holy Spirit working in our lives. We daily come to the end of our resources and that is when we come to God, asking Him to work in us by His power.



Mom Celenze's letter.....it's so precious to me.



We have a Savior who knows our sorrows, a God who hears our cries, and a promise that one day all tears will be wiped away. Psalm 34:18a - The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart.



Mandisa's Song "Broken Hallelujah" (Psalm 42:1-5, Acts 16:22-25a)

With my love and my sadness
I come before You Lord
My heart’s in a thousand pieces
Maybe even more

Yet I trust in this moment
You’re with me somehow
And You’ve always been faithful
So Lord even now

When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah

Oh Father, You have given
Much more than I deserve
And I have felt Your hand of blessing
On me at every turn

How could I doubt Your goodness
Your wisdom, Your grace
So Lord hear my heart
In this painful place

Chorus

Hallelujah
I lift my voice
Your Spirit moves
I raise my hands
I reach for You

Chorus




Mandisa's Song

You Wouldn't Cry (Andrew's Song) 5:28

Verse 1

All you saw was pain.
All you saw was rain.
But you should see me now.

Moments filled with tears.
Lasted all these years,
disappeared somehow.

You never said goodbye.
On your knees you cried.
Your still asking why.

Chorus

Blue has never been bluer.
True has never been truer.
Honey never tasted so sweet.
There's a song in the breeze.
A million voices of praise.

A rose has never been redder.
The sun has never been brighter.
If I could find the right words to say,
If you could look at my face,
If you could just see this place,
You wouldn't cry for me today.

Verse 2

And what you think you see,
Really isn't me.
I'm already home.
You've got to lay it down,
Cause Jesus holds me now,
and I am not alone.

Your faith is wearing thin,
And I am watching Him.
And He is holding you too.

Chorus

Blue has never been bluer.
True has never been truer.
Honey never tasted so sweet.
There's a song in the breeze.
A million voices of praise.

A rose has never been redder.
The sun has never been brighter.
If I could find the right words to say,
If you could look at my face,
If you could just see this place,
You wouldn't cry for me today.

Bridge

You wouldn't cry for me today.
Oh it may seem like years.
It will just be a moment.
Oh the day will come
when I show you where you are going.
I can't wait to show you.

Chorus

Blue has never been bluer
True has never been truer.
Honey never tasted so sweet.
There's a song in the breeze.
A million voices of praise.

A rose has never been redder.
The sun has never been brighter.
If I could find the right words to say,
If you could look at my face,
If you could just see this place,
You wouldn't cry for me today.

You wouldn't cry for me today.
You wouldn't cry for me today.
You wouldn't cry for me today.
You wouldn't cry for me today.



1Peter 4:12-13 Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.



1 Peter 4:16 Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in this matter.